Loving You

Why do you get to be the special one?

Why do I sit here, rotting on the inside?

While you flourish

You flourish and blossom in the light that I gave you

That you STOLE from me

You’re the one they feel sorry for

You’re the one they pat on the back whilst whispering,

‘It will be OK’

Where is my ‘OK’?

When am I the victim?

You took it all, and you keep on taking

What do I get?

But to sit here, heart breaking, hands shaking

Raging and wilting in the pain that you left me with

While you got the glory

Happiness was within reach

Or so I thought

You dangled it there in front of me

You watched me dance and grasp at strings

This is what I got

Loving You

Child.

Here I was thinking I had my temper under control

Here I was thinking what she said was worse

Here I was thinking you’d changed

Little did I know you were still the same

If not worse

If not a little more up your own arse

If not with more audacity

If not more foolish

How can one travel so far in reverse?

How can one devolve to a state of pure delusion?

How can one be so clue-less?

But here you are, blind

There you are

There you are unaware of your own stupidity

There you are naïve in the light of the obvious

There you are uneducated

Unintelligent

Uncivilised

Unable to understand how unamused we are

You child.

What We Became

Locks on diaries became chains on hearts,

We replaced crouching over our words to shield them from offenders eyes,

With pulling down our sleeves, and muttering those empty words ‘I'm fine’

No more scraped knees and crocodile tears,

We have matured, with new gravel grating against our fragile skins,

We cry internally now, gasping for air,

Those scrapes come from blades, and scars from burns,

But some things still remain,

The way that people tell us ‘you’re overreacting’, ‘you’ll be fine’, ‘get over it’.

Of course we won’t,

The way we once sniffled and moved on was a product of childhood bliss,

We’re trapped in cages built from our own self-doubt,

Every breath takes effort,

Every smile is forced,

Thoughts of possibly being happy bring tears to our eyes because we’re sure,

We will never be.

Nothing is certain or stays,

Life fades and everything around us decays,

We will not get over it,

We will not forget it,

But We will move past it.

Always

To discover, that beneath the horror, which masked the pain,

Lay a girl.

A girl who is sweet and kind,

Loving and compassionate.

Knowing,

That for nineteen years of my life,

She was there, by my side

And I,

Was clueless.

We strayed beyond the realms of sisterhood,

Unhinged by pasts shared

Pasts we wish we could have forgotten

Torn away from one another,

By the struggles of coping with an angry mother.

It pains me to know,

That I didn't know,

Who you were.

I didn't know that you were mine,

That I was yours

That we have been always.

Held together by a bond we didn’t recognise,

Or consider being a possibility.

Now here you are, in front of me,

Laughing with me,

Smiling with me,

Loving with me.

Wishing we could have,

Thinking we might have,

Been,

Always. 

Man

[Featured Poem]

What is the world coming to?
A man will pull a gun out,
Close his eyes and put it to a head,
Open the eyes and let the blood spread,
Run away like the coward he is,
Blinks twice and realises he's a murderer,
He took a soul, a life,
Pulled the trigger, not once,
But twice.

A three minute poem,
By J Holloway

Love Lies Here

Love lies not only in the shared smiles
And the blush-worthy limerick of the young man with his heart stolen.
It lies not only in the run of her fingers
Through his hair and the curling of toes as lips meet.
It lies not only in the whispered 'I love you's'
Or stolen glances

Love lies here, in tears shed
And the gut-wrenching insults hurled from one lover to another.
It lies here in the moments when you fear you may lose them forever
And those terrifying words, 'We need to talk'.
It lies here in the cheating and betrayal
Where you find the love of your life has succeeded to do what you feared most.

This is where love lies.


Created from:
Love is not merely in the smiles you share, it is in the tears, along with the hurtful insults and the blush-worthy compliments. The good and the bad.