Stepping in you realise that this isn't what you thought it
would be. You expected more, you expected excitement, joy… Fireworks! Instead
you are left with a lump in your throat and the morose truth that things haven’t
gone quite according to plan. Rather than scenes of vibrant, dancing colour,
rather than bright lights, rather than shivers down your spine, and being left
breathless, you are faced with grey. Life moves on, like some drab slideshow of
bland with you merely standing and watching as you do nothing. Any attempts of
yours to reach out, to force yourself into those images and paint the life back
in, are faced with an empty palette, frayed brushes, and a marred canvas. It
dawns on you that life may never be this wondrous journey, that the world will
never become that amazing place you dreamt of, and instead it will remain a
struggle, filled with suffering, and greed, and controversy. You don’t fall
into the lull of depression you suspected you would openly welcome at this
time, nor do you refuse to allow this understanding of yours to take over and
decide you will fight against it. You just sit, in the position you feel you
were destined to have, and let that slideshow keep running because you know
that however boring and lifeless it may seem at first glance, it is still your
life. It is your memories being forged, and your future ahead, and you know
that amidst all the grey, there will be flashes of spectacular colour
highlighting the most important and joyful moments you will be lucky enough to
live.
